Thursday, December 30, 2010

Petty? Upset?


I don't know how I should be feeling right now. But I think it's consider as I am most composed this time round. I didn't really flare up in the most terrifying way when I could have. Is it because of the fact that I am having Baby Olinda with me or is it because I am immune to this crappy rubbish I called it?

I seriously don't think it is my fault and I also don't think I got no reason or excuse not to flare up or to speak my mind.

I suggested, you are the one who confirmed and wanted me to come down all the way from home to meet you. Then when I was barely in town for less than 30 mins time, a phone call can get you carried away.

You said, you don't know how to respond or rather to reject the dinner event which it slipped off your mind. How am I supposed to feel upon hearing this? Am I simply too unattractive or I am simply too easy to get away with or I am easily disposable or even being replaced? To me the whole short conversation between yourself and your colleague is upsetting.

I thought it could be much clearer that at this kind of situation, I am more important. Or should I say, continue to run errand for the house is more important than having dinner even if I am not important at all to you. So what makes you ponder for so long? Or what leads you into a state of confusion?

I don't think I am petty or getting over jealous. To me, it's pretty clear that I am not in your heart at all.

Ask yourself, does it pain you seeing me rushing down with a tummy squeezing with people in the bus to Bugis and having to accommodate and being a nice understanding wife to release you for dinner gathering with just a phone call?

Does it pain you even to see I have to walk all the way back to Bugis instead when all because of you having to avoid entering the ERP? But you can enter the ERP to have dinner with your dear colleagues.

I am too tired to argue or make you understand my point that I am not letting my jealousy get over me. It is more of the emotional attachment that I feel is losing its sight.

It pains me to know that much. It upsets me to know in time of crisis or decision making time you chosen having dinner  with them over taking care of me and baby or least to ensure our safety.

My faith is losing a big deal. Hopefully my fate in life is different from the rest of my friends who went through the most difficult moment in order to learn to be strong and independent.

No point apologizing when you know it created a big impact on me by your little decision and refusal to reject your dear colleagues over the phone.

I can only say at this point in time, I have no more faith in you. I don't know when I will get over it but I certainly hope to be left alone at this point in time.